Darth Vader's Birthday
by Laid-Back Brit
Summary: It's a certain Sith Lord's birthday - but he ain't happy about it! Those who are trying to be nice to him on his special day are going to suffer for it!


**New Star Wars skit by me. Hope it gives you some laughs. :)**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars. It belongs to Disney.**

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"Ladies and gentlemen, officers and troopers, we are all gathered here today to celebrate the birthday of the one, the only and the evil...Darth Vader!"

The many imperial officers and stormtroopers who were filling the main room of the Death Star cheered loudly. Emperor Palatine was standing in front of them. Alongside him was Lord Vader. His utter distain for what they were celebrating was completely concealed behind his mask.

"It feels like only yesterday when you first came into my life as a small boy." The Emperor gazed at his apprentice like a proud father. "And look at you now; a dark, powerful Sith Lord! My little Ani is growing up!"

Vader winced. It was utterly embarrassing for someone as evil and fearsome as him to be referred to how his master just had. He'd never used that sickly nickname since he was called Anakin Skywalker. That name meant nothing to him now. Neither did that stupid term of endearment.

One of the stormtroopers stepped forward, pulling the lid of a large round tin he was holding. "We baked you a cake, sir!"

"Oh look, Vader, it's chocolate cake!" exclaimed the Emperor. "We know how much you love chocolate - as you love the Dark Side!"

Vader stared silently. He kept his hatred over all the fuss everyone was making over him to himself.

"And we all chipped in to got you a present, sir!" One of the officers held up a package wrapped in colourful paper. "We were suggested by someone who asked to remain anonymous to get what came to our minds whenever we thought of you."

Vader took the package from the officer. He quickly ripped off and threw aside the paper which concealed whatever was inside - before letting off a repulsed groan when he found out.

It was a bucket and spade.

"You can take that with you down to Tatooine, sir," the officer suggested. "Then you can build sandcastles."

Vader stared at his gift - before using the Force to hurl it at the officer, striking him in the face. The officer let out a cry of pain - which was followed immediately by gagging sounds as the Sith Lord began to Force choke him.

"I HATE SAND!" Vader thundered angrily at the officer as he strangled him. "HOW DARE YOU GIVE ME SOMETHING TO USE TO PLAY WITH THAT ROUGH, IRRITATING STUFF?! YOU HAVE NERVE, OFFICER!"

The officer continued to choke. His vision was being blurred from Vader cutting off his air. He didn't notice the pleased smirk creeping upon Palpatine's ugly face.

"What should I do with this cake?" asked the stormtrooper who was still holding it, feeling ignored as Vader hadn't taken it.

"Just throw it to one side," another stormtrooper said.

Taking those words literally, the stormtrooper with the cake threw it away from him as hard as he could. It hurled swiftly through the air, then-

SPLAT!

The cake had splattered right into Vader's face. Chocolate sponge and icing was spread out all over his mask. He had never looked so messy - and had never felt so enraged.

"Whoops..." said the guilty stormtrooper.

"Hey, dude, you actually hit something!" another stormtrooper piped up cheerfully.

"RIGHT!" Vader screamed furiously. "THAT DOES IT!"

"Uh oh..." muttered one of the officers. "I have a bad feeling about this..."

Vader angrily Force pulled his lightsaber into his hand, instantly igniting it. Before the officers and stormtroopers had time to react, the Sith Lord began slashing the red crystal blade of his weapon through every one of them, brutally killing them all.

"I HATE BIRTHDAYS!" Vader roared. "I HATE PRESENTS, I HATE CAKE AND I HATE YOU ALL!"

 _"_ Good... _Gooooooooooood..._ Let the hate flow through you..."

The Emperor was smirking from ear to ear as he watched Vader slaughter everyone. His plan to execute all the men who worked aboard the Death Star was being executed beautifully. He was glad that his apprentice had no idea he was giving him exactly what he wanted. All he had to do was trigger him on his special day that he hated.

 _I hope Vader will still like my present for him; I want to read it for him when he's done here,_ Palpatine thought as he tapped the gift hidden inside his hooded cloak, which was a book titled _The Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise_.

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 **Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed. :)**


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